Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Who Am I?

For years now I have listened helplessly to the report after report of innocents dying. Robust young people getting crippled for life. Young children losing their parents. Wives losing their husbands. Families losing their livelihood, their shelter, their reason to live.

Three weeks ago, I stopped listening to the stories of agony and despair. I stopped watching the news. It was a selfish and cowardly act. I took the easy way out to avoid the pain.
I started surfing the web for some solace from the violence. I sought peace and tranquility
One day I came across I came across a poem by Baba Bulleh Shah, a Sufi thinker and humanist of the seventeenth century. I had listened to his poetry before but it never made an impression on me. Perhaps I had not experienced the pain he must have gone through when he wrote it almost three centuries ago.
This time however his message reached me. Deep to my heart it went and tears started flowing.

I was completely taken aback. Me weeping like a child? It had never happened before.

At first, I tried to hide my feelings. I was afraid of showing my family and friends this side of me that I never knew existed.

Then I started sharing my thoughts, first with my family and then with my close friends. Most still do not know what to make of it and I understand. It is not easy to understand someone you thought you knew well. Now he starts speaking a new language.

Why? What is his motive? They must be thinking.

Has Nauman become a Sufi, a Writer a Humanist or perhaps a great Imposter?

Reading about Bulleh Shah and others Sufis, does not make one a Sufi.
Writing a few blogs does not make one a Writer.
Feeling the pain of humanity for a few days does not make one a Humanist.
An Imposter?
Perhaps. But not a great one.

So, who do I think I am?

All my life, I wanted to become something or somebody. Today, I have come to the realization that I am nothing.

Nauman You Are Nothing

Nauman you are nothing, nothing any more
Neither a Sufi, nor a Qazi, nor a Mufti for sure
Full of faults and thoughts and deeds impure
Nauman you are nothing, nothing any more

In your life you tried to speak the truth for sure
But did you always succeed in this venture so pure?
Can you say you haven’t broken anyone’s heart before?
Nauman you are nothing, nothing anymore.

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